"When I think of God, I just be smiling"

On Monday night I had the amazing opportunity of eating dinner with Ro, Johinese and Aaron (although he spent most of the time in his room crying because he didn't get the blue plate.. it's rough being 7). My neighbors from my apartment on Troost gladly welcomed me into their home. Why was I welcomed? It still amazes me. I called Ro on Sunday and asked if I could come over. She said I could, most definitely.

As I got off work, I called her to see if we were still on for hanging out on Monday. She said they were waiting for me. They were waiting for me. Do you know how good it feels to be someone who other people are waiting to see? Even as I am writing, my eyes are filling with tears and I feel happy. What an honor to known in this way? When I got to the Baudy's house, Ni Ni (Johniese) was waiting outside for me. She has gotten so tall. The first year I met Ni Ni she was 7 and about 2 feet shorter than she is now. I hugged her like crazy and she welcomed me into their home. Ro had been cleaning (the powerful smell of bleach gave her away).

We ended up just sitting and talking, catching up and laughing, sharing stories and eating. Corn, mashed potatoes and chicken were on the menu. I was invited to eat dinner with my friends. As I was sitting there, I was at home. I was at peace. Don't know if you're like me or not, but I am so often so self-centered and self-focused that it is rare for me to be able to sit still for more than 15 minutes without thinking about the 1,000 other things I should be, could be, would be doing. What a trap to live this way? There's another way right. My yoga instructor seems to think so (she's still my hero even though I haven't been able to go for about a month.... don't worry Ashley... I have not forgotten your healing ways).

This Saturday, I ran a half-marathon. Not sure why, but I am completely in love with running and with the feel of a race. It's like none other. Fall races are my favorite. If you've never tried one. You must. I wrote a whole story about the race but I figured I would spare you all. But it was great.

I am still trying to come down from the so-called "runner's high" (it's cheaper than weed folks and it feels really good :) Although the run was mentally intense and physically challenging, the best part of the race were all the people who were supporting me. Chelsea made me an electric tie-died shirt, Ryland dragged his Duke-sweatshirt outta bed, Jenny S. invited me to join them in their trek to the start, Jennifer (Jenny S.'s friend) ran with me for 11 miles and didn't leave me when I started to falter, Joel, Kelly, Ruby and company made a "Miss Diane" sign and cheered for me like crazy, Megan met me at mile 12.5, Montague joined in at 12.75 and friends awaited me at the end. Need I say more... I felt loved, cared for, remembered, thought of, not alone and hopeful... in the end I just smiled.

Back to my neighbor visit...
As Ni Ni was licking every last bit of her chicken off her fingers, she asked me what I was going to school for. I told her I studied the Bible and theology and such. She shot me an incredulous look and Ro and I started laughing.

But, wanting to take her seriously and not laugh at her fragile, courageous 11-year old self, I said, "Ni Ni, what were you thinking when I said that?"

"I was just thinking that's good. When I think of God and stuff, I just be smiling".

Always, this incredible little girl has blown my mind. Although the world and society has failed her, her God has not. Her God makes her smile. Her God is present. Her God is close. Her God knows her name.

And that's why I think I smiled at the end of my race on Saturday, on days like those I think my God knows my name too. Don't worry, I have my doubts and it doesn't take much to turn my smile into a concerned furrow but I long to have the child-like faith and the heart-felt response to the thought or mention of my God.

It seems to me children and my grandma get this. They seem to smile randomly to themselves or in a crowd. They don't need a fan club at a marathon to remember they are loved. They don't seem to need bells and whistles and they don't seem to be so thick-skulled. Maybe I can learn from them. Maybe rather than feeling obligated to fill my schedule with the right things and right people and right work it would be OK to just let myself gravitate towards them as I am naturally inclined to do. Maybe, just maybe.