On consistency

It's funny because I often tend to think all of the sudden some sort of constant will appear in my life. This constant in my mind will be a job, a relationship, a life-habit. I crave this consistency because it reminds me things are ok and life is "normal". More and more though, I am realizing, I am not sure this ever happens. Employers and friends rarely interact in exactly the same way or expect the exact same thing every time they interact with you. The deal is I want to be able to measure my success, I want to know when I have met their goals for me. When I know these things, I feel valuable.

More and more though I feel God calling me into God's love and it continues to not be hinged on my performance. Each morning when I awake I fight the self-doubt and fear that reminds me I have not succeeded. But faithfully, each morning God meets me to remind me of my worth which is not based on what people think of me. And as I begin to pray and beg for God's presence in my life and our world, God reminds me that the presence is already there.

And so, I think this is the consistency I must lean into. It isn't so much a feeling as it is a 'knowing' and a 'believing' when it seems so silly or so far-fetched, that God is here, with us.

For it is written, "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us". Now with God's help may I continue to seek God as our faithful presence and learn to be at home with my own humanness. In doing this, it is my hope I will have some more grace for others as well.