With thanks

During Lent, I have been gathered up with many in facing the struggle of sin--that which keeps my a part from God and others--and have been walking towards the cross where Christ died for this very sin. Somehow during the midst of the contemplating and walking, I have lost focus and started to turn inward to find my salvation. Of this, I am so ashamed. And yet--it is this very shame, Christ died for. Christ died for our sin and shame so we could live. So our futures are now gathered up with Christ. Our sin, our failure, our tendency towards self, is too much for us to bear. And so Christ's takes it upon himself to bear it for us and surrender with us "Not my will but thy will".

I confess--I keep struggling for my will to be what controls and dictates my life but softly, I feel Her beckoning to me....(for my image of God has become more like my sweet Grandma rather than an overbearing male dictator) to give it all up again and again and again because She loves me. In giving up my life and allowing God to work through the Spirit in me to fill me with Good leaving no room for selfishness, sin and slander--there is much Hope. But, I can't do this alone and I have not walked alone. I am in desperate need my friends and community in partnership with the Spirit to help me loosen my tight grip sameness and sense of control. Without the compassion of those who really know me and still think I am worth care and love and relational investment, I would have given up long ago on this Christ-ward jaunt.

Thankfully, they haven't given up on me. And so today, I want to thank them---those who have walked with me towards Christ this year---Nicole Morrow, Amy Stipp, Audrey Richardson, Wendie Wells Brockhaus, Libby Tedder, Janet Benefiel, Anne Hardy, Ron Benefiel, Deanna Hayden, Brandon McDonald, Megan McDonald, Laura Lyons, Liz McClure, Will Certain, Nicole Certain and the ever present examples of Betty Richardson, Lorna Holly and Doris Traver.

Without these folks I would have given up the journey and would have chosen isolation. Thanks be to God for these faithful folks who have seen me as God sees me, worthwhile, redeemed/being redeemed and being filled with Good making less and less space for that which sin. And of course, the gift of a fellow traveler on the journey--who will see my sin most closely and yet with God's help keep walking with me--David J. Spaite. Thanks be to God... I am blessed.